in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
