Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
