The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
