ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
