The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
