Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You ruined the universe
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