So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
