i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
