Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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