we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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