dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
