it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize