well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
