Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
