Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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