I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
