I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
