I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
