The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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