Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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