I will die if light touches me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize