Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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