I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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