So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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