Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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