I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
