and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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