So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You smell like stripper and shame
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
