chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
