I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
