the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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