the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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