Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
