Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
