I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
