if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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