my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
