dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
