their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
