I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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