everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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