so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
