you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
