your thong is hanging out like whoa
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
