We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
