Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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