Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Girls should come with a carfax report
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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