I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
