During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
