Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize