Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just found puke in my bra..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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