Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
