So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
