I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
