I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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