saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
