And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
