I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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