Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize