we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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