my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
