If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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