U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
