i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
