well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
