glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
